Twisted Fate of Strange.
by Yojle
Summary: This is sorta backwards from all the 'Muggles go to hogwarts'. Instead It's wizard goes to muggles! Yay!
1. Default Chapter

Twisted Fate Of Strange...  
(A/N) Disclaimer: Umm I don't own anyone belonging to J.K. Rowling. All I own so far are Angora, Pandora, and the other family members. Oh yeah, and Jeremy, who is not really an alter ego, just a random muggle who is trapped in Sirius' head.  
  
Sirius Black stared out of the train window and sighed to himself. 'Damn. There are some things you just don't do at Hogwarts.'   
'It's not your fault, well not completely.' Said Jeremy, Sirius's alter ego, who was forever trapped inside Sirius's head.  
'Oh no, now your going to be smart again and go over why a) don't listen to James, b) don't make fun of headmasters, c) don't listen to James, d) never draw murals again, e) don't listen to James f) Nude pictures aren't compliments, and g) don't listen to James. Am I right or what?  
'What. I was just going to say that.. Well never mind, you're right.'  
'I bet I'm the only kid in the History of Hogwarts to get actually sent out of school.'  
'It's called suspension, Sirius.'  
'That's what muggles call it muggle boy. I mean, expulsion I've heard of, detention I can deal with, but I got sent out of school for a whole frikin year! I'll have to go to muggle school, I'll have to pretend I'm normal and above all I'm not with James, my best friend, Peter and Remus my prank partners, and Lily, my girlfriend.'  
'As if I didn't know. You've been complaining all day for crying out loud! It won't be so bad, you went to Muggle school before Hogwarts remember, and I don't enjoy your disrespect for non-magic people. I am one you know.'  
'Jeremy, sometimes I reeeeally hate you. Just shut up for now kay? We're almost here.'  
'Fine. Be that way. But I'm not helping you with subtraction of fractions or the Pythagorean theorem. So there.'  
The Hogwarts Express soon pulled into the King's Cross Station and Sirius grabbed his trunk and hopped off, hoping no one he knew was there. Ha. Fat chance of that.   
"Siriuuuuuuuuusss!!!" Sirius heard Angora shriek as she threw her arms around his neck. "We missed you!"  
"Sure you did, where's Pandora?"  
"Right here cousin," Said a voice behind him. It was Pandora, Angora's twin sister and Sirius's favourite cousin. "Angora let go of him. I'm sure he doesn't want to be celebrating right now, he did get kicked out of school for the rest of the year, remember?"  
"Fine. I'll just leave you two. I'm obviously not wanted here." Angora walked away in a huff, her blond hair swinging behind her; completely oblivious to the whistles she was getting from the random guys gathered about the station.  
Sirius turned to Pandora. "I still can't get over how you look so much alike and yet are so different."  
"Crazy. She's a blonde, I'm a brunette. She has gray eyes, I have blue eyes. She's completely clueless, I'm an A-student. Oh, and speaking of which, your mom, Aunt Lunette signed you up for our school, unfortunately, your not in my class."  
"That's just life for you I guess," Said Sirius, walking up to his parents and aunt and uncle. "And mine hasn't been too pe3achy lately if you haven't noticed."  
After the various family greetings, and stern looks from Sirius's college student brother, Atlantis, and sympathetic looks from Sirius's little sister, Happiness, the two families got into their cars and drove to Sunny Hollow, the four-story warehouse they shared.  
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Sirius dropped his bags and looked around his room, remembering it's smell and sight. This was home, but it could never be as much fun as Hogwarts. At least he could go back next year. But... MUGGLE SCHOOL!!!! This was the worst punishment he could ever dream of!  
'It is not, remember the time where you dreamt all your nails were pulled out and fed to Peter, who became corrupted and turned into Malfoy? Or the time you dreamt you were in a strip bar and only you weren't able to walk around the corner into the actual room and had to stay in the hall? You thought those were pretty bad.'  
'Okay, okay, those were worse, but still, here I'm gonna be stupid, not able to play any sports, not have the right clothes...'  
"Hey Siriuuuuuuuuuusss!" Angora called from the stairs. "Mom and Aunt Lunette say you need better clothes so you're going to come shopping with me!"  
"Is Pandora coming?" Sirius asked hopefully.  
"Nope! She has to practice her guitar, and besides, I am more fashionably enlightened." Angora notified him. "Now hurry up! I want to get to Bluenotes before it closes, and then there's Old Navy, American Eagle... Oh wow! Sirius this is going to be so much fun!"  
"Yeah, yeah, it'll be great." 'Dammit! This is gonna suck! Why can't Pandora come? Angora will probably bring some of her stupid, ditsy friends with her! I don't believe this!'  
"Sirius! Now!" Angora yelled.  
"Coming!!!"  
'Hehehe, check off right clothes!' said Jeremy with a distinctly evil chuckle.  
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	2. A day with muggles.

Twisted Fate Of Strange... chapter 2.  
  
(A/N) Disclaimer: anything you recognize is J.K. Rowlings, anything you don't is mine.  
Oh and b4 anyone asks, Sirius does know what muggle money and batteries are because his entire family are muggles. He's the only magic one.  
  
'Is this annoying or what? I'm stuck in a hot pink convertible, zooming around town, picking up random friends of Angora's and sitting still while they all feel my stomach muscles! I mean, c'mon, what is this!'  
'Please Sirius, you know you're enjoying it.'  
'Shut up, it's not funny, i just like this sort of thing... What! they're hot!'  
"Sirius sweetie," called Angora from the front seat."We're almost here, your mom gave me $250 for you to spend, alright?"  
'Sweetie?' "Sure sure."   
"You do realize she's just saying that to show off to her friends, right?" A girl sitting beside him said.  
"What? How is that showing off?"  
"I dunno, but was there really any other obvious point to her sentence?" She replied, turning on a C.D. player.  
"Hmmmm, hey you're right!" Said Sirius, not noticing that the girl had stopped listening to him. She was pretty nice he decided, as she was the only one who hadn't said something suggestive to him.  
'And not bad-looking either, eh Sirius?' Jeremy put in with what Sirius could swear was a mental nudge.  
'Ok, now is Jeremy's shut up time!' Said Sirius as Angora stopped the car and they all walked into the mall. Once inside, they split into two groups of four and one of five, two of the groups left and he remained with Angora, the nice girl, a chinese girl and some bleach-blond who looked like she was trying to be identical to Angora.  
"Ok Sirius honey, these are my friends Maggie (the blond) and Jessica (the chinese). Oh and that's Lexa, she's Pandora's friend and she wanted to come along to buy some batteries."  
'Honey? I'm honey now? Well that explains why Lexa is different, she's Pandora's friend. God, I know we're related, but sometimes I really hate Angora.'  
'So you've told me.' Said Jeremy in a bored tone. 'Now go do something interesting, this is no fun!'  
'I aim only to please your highness.' Replied Sirius sarcastically, as he told Angora he'd find Lexa some batteries.  
Angora pulled him to the side and whispered, "Sirius darling, I thought you and Jessica could spend some time together, besides, I heard Lexa is into drugs! You don't want to be with her kind."  
"You mean your sister's kind?" Sirius pointed out sullenly. "Well i don't think it matters because i don't know what drugs are anyway. And didn't you catch the hint? I want to go with Lexa."  
"Fine! But you'll be sorry when you see how mean she is!" Angora stomped off with Maggie and Jessica in her wake.  
"Maybe to you!" Sirius said softly, but Lexa heard.  
"Yeah actually, she's really a bitch sometimes and I just can't stand that!"  
"Can you stand me?" Said Sirius, smiling his mischeivious grin at her.  
"Easily. Now I really need those batteries, my C.D. player is almost out." She replied, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards a store with the sign 'Shopper's Drug Mart' above it.  
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'If these are the "drugs" Angora was talking about, I don't see anything wrong.'   
'Sirius darling,' Jeremy mocked, 'You've got a hell of a lot to learn.'  
"Hey Sirius!" Lexa called from the check-out counter, "I've got my batteries, let's go!"  
"Go where?" He yelled back, walking towards her. "Well I have to go clothes shopping now. I don't want to spend all of my mom's money."  
"Well you don't have to shop brand-name. We can go to a discount store like winners, or then there's sears and the bay right here in the mall. Angora wants you to look 'cool' but it's not as if everyone is always peering at your ass looking for labels anyway."  
'I bet they do with Angora.' Jeremy said  
'Only you Jeremy, only you." Sighed Sirius.  
They walked over to sears and spent te rest of the afternoon happily making Sirius look like an idiot. At 5:00 they headed back downstairs to the information booth and food courts where everyone had agreed to meet.  
"Hey hottie, we're back!" called Sirius to his cousin, happily watching every single girl and guy from ages 14-16 within hearing distance turn around and look at him.  
"Sirius!" Angora shrieked. "Get over here!"  
"Comiiiiiiiiiiinnng!!!!" Sirius yelled as he ran through a huge crowd of shoppers.  
"Listen Sirius, I do not like being made fun of. Don't you ever do that again!" Angora hissed when he reached the group.  
"Hey no problem, but I wasn't yelling to you." He said  
"Uhhh, okay, get in the car now, we're leaving. I hope you got all you needed, because march break ends in two days." Angora said, walking out to her car.  
---------------------------------  
When they got back home again, Atlantis immidiatly dragged Sirius outside and they practiced a game called basketball for an hour and a half. Atlantis explained how it was almost like quidditch only minus two nets, three balls and not in the air.  
Sirius didn't find it very hard to play, but he was quite tall for his age. Happiness came outside at about 8:00 with her friend Catriona, who was on the same soccer team as Happiness. The four of them played soccer for a while until they were called to come in for bed.  
'Well i guess you won't be hopeless at being a muggle afterall.' Jeremy commented as Sirius was getting changed.  
'Huh?' Replied Sirius drowsily, 'What do you mean?'  
'Well you've got the clothes, so you won't look like a loser, you know that sports, and you're not half bad at them, so you can act the part, and you've got me, so you can get good grades.'  
'And that's all that counts? Geez...'  
'Nope! Well you need social skills, but you won't have any problems with that I guess.'  
'Jeremy, thanks for the help, I'm never going to need a guidence counselour, but now I'm sleeping so shut up.' Sirius rolled over a fell asleep right away, dispite Jeremy's consistent mumbling.  
'Ha! Guidence counselour he says! I'm more like his own special pschiatrist! But no.... I'm just Jeremy, the simple little head-voice, well pooey to you stupid Sirius! Hey! Stop dreaming that! That's just wrong! No! Stop!'  
And Sirius slept peacefully on, comepletly oblivious to Jeremy's tormented yells.  
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	3. The first day and alot of connections.

Twisted Fate Of Strange... chapter 3.  
  
(A/N) Disclaimer: Ummm, the usual, I don't own the people in the published books, but i do own everyone else.  
  
  
The next two days went pretty quickly, Sirius learned how to play many sports including, football, baseball, hockey, badminton, tennis, golf and various card games which he had forgotten over his Hogwarts Quidditch years.  
When school started up again, Sirius was started in grade 10. His first class was Geography, in which he made his first friend.  
"Hey, is anyone sitting here?" Said a boy with brown hair who was standing beside the desk next to Sirius.  
"Nah, go right ahead." Said Sirius, moving his binder off the desktop to make room for the boy. "What's your name?"  
"Scott Pasco." The boy replied, sitting down. (A/N Yeah Lexa, I know.) "You're new aren't you?"  
"Yup. Sirius Black. How'd you know?"  
"Well I'm on student council, so I make a point of noticing people. Say! Black! Are you in any way related to Pandora and Angora Black?"  
"Yeah they're my cousins. I umm.. just moved here."  
"Really? I always thought that their Aunt and Uncle lived with them, and their two cousins." Stated Scott in a puzzled tone.  
"Ummm, well I meant that I just moved here, I was going to boarding school before, and now I've come back to stay with my family for a while." Said Sirius, sighing with relief at the plausible excuse he had come up with.  
"Oh. I understand." Said Scott, opening his notebook and showing Sirius a picture of Angora and Scott sitting together on a winter day. It would have been lovely, with Angora's hair lightly catching the snow, and Scott's happy smile, but Sirius thought that Scott didn't know what he was getting into.  
"Is she you're girlfriend?" Asked Sirius, opening his own notebook as the teacher came in.  
"Yeah, for two weeks now!" Whispered Scott happily as the teacher began talking and they both had to stop talking in order to take notes.  
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At lunch, Sirius had an eighty minute break, so he went to find Pandora or Lexa, so he could figure out what to do. He rounded a corner of the school building, only to see a thin alleyway between the school and a portable. He heard a noise inside and decided to see what it was. Sirius hadn't got six steps down the alley when he tripped over something on the ground and sprawled on his face.  
"Ow!" The something exclaimed, then, "Oh my gosh! Sirius! Are you okay?"   
It was Lexa. She had some strange objects in her hands that he didn't recognize. And why was she inside this alley? Damn! He couldn't even see his arms in here!  
"What are you in here for?" He asked Lexa, flipping out his pocket flashlight. "And what're those?"  
"Oh. Ummm, well I'll tell you later." She blushed. "What are you doing here?"  
"Well I was looking for someone i know, when i heard noises coming from this alley so I decided to check it out." He said.  
She got up and brushed herself off. "Well let's go find Pandora. She's probably looking for one, or both of us right now. Have you had lunch?"  
"Nah." He replied, wondering why he hadn't remembered lunch. He was usually a big eater.  
"Okay. We'll find Pandora and then go and get pizza, there's a good place near here. Good?"  
"Fine to me." He agreed, and they set off to look for his cousin.  
Pandora was sitting on a bench, talking to some guy with red hair when Sirius and Lexa found her.  
"Hey guys!" She said, "This is Joseph Weasley, his dad is our family accountant."  
"Weasley?" Asked Sirius curiously, "Any relation to Arthur?"  
"Yeah. He's my cousin." Said Joseph, looking kind of uncomfortable. "Are you...?"  
"Yeah. Said Sirius, presuming he meant magical.  
Lexa was giving them both funny looks, so Sirius said, "Okay! I'm really hungry, let's go get some of that pizza!"  
Pandora laughed, remembering his huge appetite, and they all walked off to get lunch, busily talking about classes, friends, teachers and other things teens talk about on sunny march days.  
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In music class, in the afternoon, they were assigned seats. The teacher calmly informed him that since she was having trouble separating two students, he would be sitting between them. Great. Now he would have people leaning over him all class, and plus, he discovered he was the worst music-oriented person he had ever come across.  
'Well for starters, I believe that the mouth-piece goes facing the back, not the front.' Jeremy put in, pretending to be helpful, but Sirius could swear he was trying to keep from laughing.  
'You believe, muggle-boy? Ha! I'd like to see you play the clarinet! It's not as easy as it looks you know!' Sirius retorted, trying to comprehend what the teacher was saying about reed vibrations, and clear notes.  
'Well, a) I no longer have a physical body, so you can't see me, and b) When I did have a body, I played in national concerts on the bass clarinet. So don't you be complaining Sirius sweetie.' Said Jeremy in return, and Sirius could almost see a face smiling sweetly at him from his mind.  
'Stupid smart kid. C'mon I'm having a really bad day here! Stop making it worse!'  
'I don't....' Jeremy's reply was cut off by the sound of a girl speaking.  
"Hello! You're the new guy, aren't you? It figures that stupid Mrs. Cann would separate me and darling Vernon! He's my boyfriend you see? And well, we would.. distract each other a bit in class, and so she put a seat in between us, but that didn't work so now there's a person in between us! And that's you. My name is Petunia by the way, what's yours?" The girl said this extremely fast, and he didn't catch quite all of it, but he did here the last part and so he replied:  
"Sirius, Sirius Black." He was a bit overwhelmed by her vocal speed, and wasn't quite prepared for the next statement.  
"Sirius, huh? My sister Lily is dating someone called Sirius!" Petunia said casually, bringing her flute back up to her mouth.  
*CRASH*! Sirius hit the floor. 'Lily! Jeremy! Help me! I forgot all about Lily!'  
'Oops, bad, bad Sirius. And how awful, especially with those thoughts about the Lexa girl... tsk tsk!" Jeremy said, obviously very pleased with the uncomfortable position Sirius was in.  
"Sirius?" Petunia was saying, "Are you alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm just fine, chair must be faulty. Lily? Does she go to this school?" He said, trying to act like he had no idea who Lily was.  
"Oh no! Of course not, well I don't tell this to most people.." Petunia leaned close to his ear, and he froze, wondering if she had been telling people Hogwarts' secret, and praying she hadn't. "She's kind of the disappointment of the family, you see, we had to send her to a special school because she's mentally retarded!"  
"You don't say!" Said Sirius, pretending to be shocked, but secretly relieved, "Well I would never have guessed! Not with the amazing intelligence of her sister!"  
Petunia grinned happily, flipping her strawberry-blond hair over her shoulder, "Well most people are surprised that way I guess, I think we'll be good friends Sirius."  
"I hope so!" He said, forcing himself to smile, but inwardly thinking, 'Dammit! She can never ever find out that I'm Lily's Sirius! What if she tells Lily I've been flirting behind her back! I'll never live it down! I know! I'll owl James the second I get home, and ask him if Lily is playing as well!'  
'Nice decision Einstein.' Said Jeremy sarcastically, 'You know, you could have just asked me, I probably would have come up with that solution or a better one much faster than you did.'  
'Yeah yeah. But what it really comes down to is would you have told me?' Said Sirius pointedly.  
'Now that is the most intelligent deduction you've made today Watson.' Said Jeremy, with a failure of a British accent.  
'Thank you! Thank you very much!' Said Sirius, leaning back to untangle his clarinet from his chair and falling over again. 'Yes, I am good.'  
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A/N Yeah yeah, I know it's Molly's cousin who is the accountant, but I couldn't figure out how to make the names match up any other way. 


	4. Pepsi highs and confessions

Twisted Fate Of Strange... chapter 4.  
  
(A/N) Disclaimer: Blah blah, not mine... cept the peopleI made up... blah blah blah...(Oh and AMC and slackers aren't mine either, and same goes for Who's line.)  
  
After a very tiring day at school, meeting new people, new teachers, learning things he had never even heard of before, Sirius dragged himself home, only to find the he had homework, and Angora's posse had taken over the living room, along with their assortment of boyfriends, in which, Sirius noticed, Scott was included. After denying many requests to stay and talk, or go out and get food or just sit and study, Sirius went up to his room to collapse on his bed.  
'And how was your first day at schol dearie?' Said Jeremy, still bright and energetic as usual.  
*Groan* 'What do you think? Even with you explaining everything to me every step of the way, I'm so full of facts and figures I'm going to explode!'  
'Math figures? Or some other kind of figures? Eh Sirius?' Jeremy was like an older brother with his teasing sometimes.  
'Oh ha ha. I just want to sleep! But no, Let's go out for Pepsi's Sirius, let's go meet Jessica, Sirius, let's do this Sirius, let's do that, Sirius! Don't they ever stop? It's like muggle life revolves around a huge social wheel or something!' Sirius sighed and flopped over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and his pictures of his girlfriends.  
'Actually it does, but I never really paid much attention to that, I was too busy getting good grades... In fact I probably would have had a great life if I hadn't got stuck in here!' Jeremy sounded kind of pissed, so Sirius concentrated on his pictures. They were all there, his entire history of girlfriends. Ranging from his first, Kayla, in grade two of muggle school, so his latest, Lily at Hogwarts.  
'Lily! I almost forgot! I have to write that letter to James now!' Sirius jumped off his bed, suddenly finding new energy, and running over to his desk where he began penning his letter to James Potter, his best friend.  
  
  
DEAR JAMES,  
I AM AT MUGGLE SCHOOL NOW, AND IT'S NOT THAT BAD. THE GIRLS DON'T  
HAVE TO WEAR ROBES AND IT'S NOT BAD ON THE EYES. I'M DOING WELL IN SCHOOL   
THANKS TO JEREMY, WHO IS LAUGHING AT ME RIGHT NOW. I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS   
TO ASK YOU. FIRST OF ALL, HOW IS EVERYONE THERE? DO THEY MISS ME? ARE  
THINGS QUIETER? (HAHA) AND SECONDLY, HOW IS LILY? DOES SHE THINK WE BROKE   
UP, OR ARE WE STILL GOING OUT? I REALLY NEED TO BE UPDATED SO I KNOW WHERE   
MY BOUNDRIES ARE. HEHEHE. AND LASTLY, HOW ARE YOU, MY BEST FRIEND? ARE YOU   
HAPPY? ARE YOU STILL GOING OUT WITH MICHELLE? AND PLEASE UPDATE ME ON ANY   
NEWS YOU THINK I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. I MISS ALL OF YOU!  
SIRIUS.  
  
  
'Well, that was a bit serious for you Sirius.' Said Jeremy, always the funny one *Cough cough*.  
'Shut up muggle-boy! I actually am serious with James, because I don't feel like I need to keep up my joking personality with him. No one likes to be laughed at all of the time.'  
'That's the same thing you do with Pandora. Hm?'  
'Yeah, they're kind of like cracks in the shield. Ya know?'  
'Well, no i don't but technically I am one too, because I now know your serious side. Feel free to talk to me any time you please. As you said before, I'm like a guidence counselour.'  
'Heh. Either that or my father.' Said Sirius, calling over Moonhawk, his owl. He attached the letter to her leg, and flung her out the window, his smile sinking a little at the familiar memory of Hogwarts. He wished he was there now, this was so strange and different, it was really hard to adjust.  
'Now it's homework time! I'm not feeling quite so tired, and apparently I have something on Alkali poisoning due tomorrow, so let's get cracking! You can do the thinking and I'll do the writing!'  
'I do the mental, and you do the physical? Is that because I don't have a body, and you don't have a brain perchance?'  
'Yeah!.. Hey! Wait a minute...' Sirius started thinking for a second, completly confused as to whether he had been insulted or not, and wondering why Jeremy seemed to be laughing himself to death.  
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After his homework was done, Sirius went over to Pandora's room, only mildly surprised to find Lexa there with her. They were just sitting around, reading magazines, so he asked them what people did for fun around here. They turned up with a whole list of things he could do, including: See a movie, go get pizza, go shop for whatever, go buy candy, hang around the skateboard park, do homework. Considering Sirius didn't have any money for shopping, wasn't hungry, tried to avoid sugar as much as possible because he was crazy enough already, had finished his homework and had no idea what a skateboard was, Lexa and Pandora decided to g show him what a movie was like. They arrived at AMC theatres at a bit past 5:00. It had taken them awhile because they couldn't get a drive from any parents, and the parents didn't trust Pandora with a car. Angora eventually gave up and drove them. They decided on 'Slackers', even though Lexa didn't really want to see it. Sirius was overwhelmed by movies. He immidiatly resolved that, even when he was back at Hogwarts, he would go and see a movie every single weekend. After the movie, they decided to walk home, for no real reason, and also because no one had a quarter for the phone. It was only about three miles, and Sirius was having a great time running around and doing his best to embarass the two girls. Every once in a while, a car would come along with a bunch of guys in it and offer them a ride, the girls would decline, even thought Sirius was moaning that his feet hurt like hell. Eventually, all three of them shut up from lack of things to say, and tiredness.  
'You seemed to enjoy that, hmm Sirius?' Jeremy was back, and slightly shocked with the contents of the movie (A/N by the way, Slackers is hilarious, but mildly inappropriate).  
'It was awesome! I love movies! I'm going to die at Hogwarts without access to them!'  
'I have an idea, why don't you ask Pandora to explain VCRs to you?' Jeremy said, obviously used to Sirius's uselessness now.  
'How will that help? I don't understand.'  
'What I don't understand is how you could live in a muggle world for 11 years, and go back to it eery summer and christmas, and still not know what a video is.'  
'Well, first of all, I did my best to forget abou the first 11 years of my life, because they sucked in comparison with Hogwarts, secondly I fell out of a tree and had partial amnesia when I was 12 years old, and third, I spend at least two thirds of my breaks at James's house, all of my christmas breaks at Hogwarts, and one quarter of my breaks at Remus's house. Which leaves... well only i bit of time that I actually spend in the muggle world. So there!' Sirius actually stuck his tongue out to prove his point, earning himself odd looks from Pandora and Lexa.  
'And now you're being an immature idiot. Do you think Lexa knows you're magical?'  
'I don't think so. But I suspect she's keeping secrets from me too. Do you remember when I ripped over her in the alley and she had those weird things in her hand? Do you know what those are?' Sirius looked back at Lexa, she didn't seem very secretive to him...  
'Hm? I don't think I was paying attention then. Wht did they look like?'  
Sirius went on to describe the objects, and between them, they deduced that Lexa was doind drugs. It took awile for Jeremy to explain this concept to Sirius. When everything was worked out however, Sirius went into delayed shock........  
'OH NO! I HAVE TO SAVE HER! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON! I HAVE TO HELP HER JEREMY! HAVE TO!!!'  
'Calm down boy. You can give her some advice, but as I described, they're addictive, you can't just make her stop just like that!' Jeremy made a mental sound like the snapping of fingers.  
'I bet I could! I bet she thinks I'm the hottest thing since... burning...stuff.... yeah...'  
'Great job Sirius.' Jeremy was bored again.  
'It's true! I swear! I'll ask her! just watch me!' Sirius remarked, walking up to Lexa and leaning an arm on her shoulder.  
"Hey Lexa! Do you think I'm the hottest thing since burning stuff?"  
"Sure Sirius, whatever you say..?" Lexa looked kind of intimidated.  
'See! Oh! Who wins!' Sirius looked oddly delighted, and pranced off again, ahead of them up the road.  
Lexa turned to Pandora, "Is your cousin always this weird?"  
"Heck, hardly know him, but it looks like you're going to!" Said Pandora with a wink.  
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When they got home, it was about 9:00. They figured that they would have about two hours before any parents were home (all the parents were out doing random errands), so they hung around the kitchen, drinking pepsi, and watching Who's line is it anyway. When Lexa left to get another drink, and call her mom to see if she could sleep over, Sirius asked Pandora if she knew Lexa was doing drugs.  
"Yes. I've known it for a while, and everyone who does know has tried to make her stop, and even she doesn't want to continue, but it's really hard for her to go without them, and... Hey! how'd you know?" Pandora said, taking a drink.  
"Well, I sort of caught her in the act.." Sirius went on to explain about the alley, earlier on that day.  
"How could she! She promised not to on school grounds! what if she gets caught! She could be severly punished!" Pandora looked very upset, and Sirius finally realized the situstion Lexa was in.  
"Hey Pandora, I'll talk to her, ok? I don't know, but she might listen to me." Sirius realized how stupid he sounded, telling Pandora that Lexa would listen to him, even though she wouldn't listen to her best friend.  
"Oh yeah? And why would she do that? She hasn't listened to anyone, not her family or friends, and now you show up, you havn't even known her for a month and you expect her to listen to you? You're pretty full of yourself Sirius, and you should get over it! Just because you have these crazy supernatural powers doesn't mean that you can do everything! Magic doesn't solve the world's problems Sirius, and so you'd better get used to it!" Pandora yelled at him and ran out of the kitchen, he heard pounding of feet on stairs and then a door slam. 'Shit'. Just then there was another noise, the creak of floorboards behind him. He whirled around. Lexa was standing in the doorway, her drink held loosely in her hand, as if it was about to be dropped, a shocked look on her face.  
"Lexa? Oh no! How much did you hear?" Sirius wished with all his heart that he could live the last fifteen minutes over again, but nothing happened.  
"I heard plenty." Replied Lexa, coming out of her trauma just in time to grip onto her pop can. "What was that? Sirius, what is going on?"  
"What do you mean? Nothing is going on.... Nothing..." 'Damn, nice coverup story there.'  
'Very good job, now are you going to tell her you're magical or not?'  
'Heck no! No one can know these things remember?'  
'Wizard, Sirius? I think the muggle world is getting to you. You really didn't learn anything at that school did you?'  
'What the hell are you talking about? I leared a whole billion and twelve things, from hair dying to memory charms to.. memory charms!'  
'You already said that.'  
'No no no! Don't you get it? If she freaks or something I'll just put a memory charm on her and bingo! No more problem!'  
'Oh! Now it's time for Jeremy's lecture about how magic doesn't solve all problems!'   
'I think we can do without it for now.'  
'I'm so telling her! I've got it all worked out! It'll be perfect!'  
'And if you're memory charm is a complete failure and she decides to burn you at the stake?'  
'Hey, she's thinks I'm hot as burning stuff already, so no problem there!' Sirius grinned his happy grin and turned to Lexa, still standing in the doorway, watching with confusion as the different emotions flashed across his face.  
"Lexa I think I have a confession to make. You see, you know I've been going to boarding school, but I don't think anyone has told you which one. You see, the school I go to is not for Math and science, it's for witchcraft and wizardry."  
"Say what?" Lexa looked surprised, puzzled and happy at the same time. Sirius vaguely wondered if he could do that.  
"I'm a wizard. Oh and check it out!" Sirius immediatly turned himself into a big black dog and back again.  
"Oh. My. God! That is the best thing I have every seen in my entire life! Just think, the whole time I knew you, you could have just, turned invisible or been flying or something, instead of hanging out with us, and you can probably eavesdrop on peoples conversation and... hey wait a second.. you haven't been.."  
"Nah, not to you anyway." Sirius shook his head and looked up at Lexa to see her launching through the air, giving him a huge hug.  
"Wow! It's just.. Wow! Happy happy happy!!!!!!!!!" Lexa proceeded to do a strange little dance around the kitchen table, as Sirius watched, almost afraid.  
"Um, Lexa, what the hell are you doing?" Pandora wasa back, and looking at her friend with interest and amusment, along with disbelief, Sirius wondering once again if he would be able to pull that face contortion off.  
"Lalalala!!!!!" Lexa had had way too much pepsi, so Sirius and Pandora pulled her into the living room, onto the couch, and they both promptly sat on her.  
"Well," Said Sirius, "I think this solves alot of problems."  
'No shit sherlock.' Put in Jeremy with a laugh.  
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A/N I hope this one is longer, but I've been doing it on notepad and i can't tell that way. What the f**k! What's with you people and not reviewing!!! Now, go to the cute lil button at the bottom of the page and REVIEW FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! 


	5. A crash, a flight and a visit.

Twisted Fate Of Strange... chapter 5.  
  
(A/N) Disclaimer: I want Sirius, but unfortunately he isn't mine (rats!) Neither is anyone else previously seen in the Harry Potter series..  
  
  
A few weeks past, and Sirius realized that Halloween was coming up, along with the social whirl that inevitably came with it. There was a vast supply of parties planned, and a school dance as well. Sirius had experienced dances, but unfortunately was quite uninformed with how muggles went about asking people. Jeremy the non-socialist couldn't help him at all, so he decided to ask one of the girls he knew for their opinion (A/N I know what you're thinking Lex, but no.)   
"So you see Petunia, my old school never had dances, and I never really had the chance to learn how to ask a girl to one, and well, I don't know how."  
"Sirius! Well, I'll help you! First of all, it's a top priority to have a date. Otherwise, you end up just hanging around and that's no fun. If you're too shy, just get a friend to ask the person for you. I've got it! I'll ask them! Now, who shall it be.... Hmmm, well, who do you like?" Suddenly Petunia leaned in very close to him, and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I think it's that Lexa-girl. That friend of your cousins. I don't like her. She's got a very bad reputation, so I don't think you should choose her."  
"What other choices do I have?" Sirius said in a normal voice, making Petunia realize she was whispering and straighten up.   
"Well, you don't hang around many girls do you? There's Lexa, your cousins, me.. well that's about it. Lexa is definitely ruled out, your cousins are related to you, and I'm going with Vernon. That leaves nobody..... except for nobody!"  
"Wow, thanks Petunia! You really straightened it out for me!" Sirius said, utterly appalled by the amount of stupidity one person could possess. He shook his head sadly, making Petunia think he was upset that he couldn't find anyone, and give him a big hug.  
When class was over, Sirius went walking again. Despite being completely familiar with every single hall of Hogwarts, as well as secret passages, he was utterly lost in this muggle school. Maybe it was the constant colour differences of people or something, which would make sense, because it was much easier to concentrate on walls when one was not always being blinded by outrageous oranges and pinks, and limes and all of it. There was an unusual amount of excitement never offered at Hogwarts that this school had. The absolute normality maybe. He found it odd that Voldemort (The evil genius of the year award winner three times in a row) was not the subject on everyone's lips. Nor were there amazing tales of discovered species in the forest, or daring escapes from the giant squid. Instead there was, the dance, homework, fashions, dating and all other things that had seemed mundane and boring at Hogwarts, were now the highlights of anyone and everyone's day.  
Rounding a corner and absorbed by thoughts, Sirius found himself falling. He supposed he must have tripped or something, but didn't have time to confirm it before his jaw hit the ground and everything went black.  
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Lexa was in a hurry. She had kickboxing at 6:00 and for some reason the whole faculty had banded together to give her enough homework for a month. She desperately wished she could get home and on the computer before she had to leave for kickboxing but hurrying through the halls with a huge pile of books wasn't the safest ting to do and besides…CRASH!!!!!!!!!!  
Lexa turned around to notice a figure get off the floor and walk away, without even bother to she how she was. She tried to pick up her collection of texts, notebooks and writing utensils before anyone else came around the corner, but unfortunately it was too late, she noticed a foot come around the corner and… CRASH!!!!!! The second time in less than five minutes, and now her head hurt. Great. She was about to just walk off down the hall like the first person had done, but then realized that the figure on the floor hadn't moved. She cautiously looked over at it and her heart skipped a beat. Sirius! Lying prone on the floor! Oh geez, why does it always happen to me she thought furiously, as she knelt over him and poked him hopefully. As much as she wanted to try artificial respiration, she didn't think that would look so good in the hallway, so she continued her poking, wondering if anyone helpful would come along and tell her what to do.   
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Sirius felt the waves of pain lessen in his head as he slowly came back into consiousness, he registered Jeremy yelling about something but at the moment all he could concentrate on was the feelling of a mouth on his. Wait a minute. Sirius jerked awake to see Lexa, her cheeks slowly reddening, jump up and leave.   
'Huh? What was that?' Sirius was very confused. He thought he might've been drunk or something, but these particular waves of pain weren't caused by a hangover, and there was a bump on his head. Did he get in a gang fight?  
'That was the girl you like kissing you dumbass, and no you're in the middle of a school hall, no gang fights here buddy.' Jeremy sounded the slightest bit annoyed. Sirius remembered that Jeremy could feel everything he felt as well.   
'Hey! it's not fair! She was kissing me! How is it you get everything without workin' on it huh?'  
'Well i wouldn't say you were really working there Mr. Im-paralyzed-but-that's-a-good-thing-because-that's-the-only-way-I'll-ever-get-any-action-from-the-ladies.'  
'Well that's not a really good name for me first of all it's too long,'  
'Right. Let's make it Mr.IPBTAGTBTTOWIEGAAFTL.'  
'And second of all,' Said Sirius, completly ignoring Jeremy, 'it's not true, I have had more girlfriends than you know females, and I have a girlfriend right now who... shit.'  
'Forgot again? Did James ever even reply? Geez, you'd think your friend would reply to you in at least two weeks time, but no, two months is just fine right?'  
'Ok now we're going home and seeing what happened to my owl, she never came back either.'  
Back at the house, Sirius checked the basement where no one ever went, and Moonhawk, his crazy barn owl had made into her 'cave'. Moonhawk had some mental problem that made her think she was a bat. As a result she slept upside down in empty, dark rooms and never hooted at all. She wasn't in her lair, or anywhere else in the house. In fact, he hadn't seen her since she set off with his letter. It was strange, how he had not even remembered he owned her since he went to muggle school. Maybe that's what happened when you weren't around magic all the time.  
Getting more worried by the second, Sirius hopped onto his broom and set out on a direct course to Hogwarts. As the crow flies. Or the owl. Or the bat. It was getting colder as the night started in but he could see. He actually had his wand because he had hollowed out part of his broom and stuck it in there. Another example of Sirius weirdness, he had practically patented his own style by now.  
'Hey, observant boy, your bat/owl likes caves?'  
'Yeah, what about it?'  
'And she's been gone for two months?'  
'Yeah, just about.'  
'And she was never fully trained when you got her because you liked that wildness in a pet?'  
'Correct, where is this all leading?'  
'Well, I've got news for you, observant boy. Moonhawk was pregnant when she left.'  
'WHAT!!!!'  
'And right now we're passing a series of cliffy areas sure to have lots of lovely crags perfect for raising little bat/owls on.'  
'Why do you never, ever, ever tell me anthing important?'  
'Because I love you and I'm worried about you.' Said Jeremy in a sickeningly sweet tone.  
'Damn you mother.' Replied in an equally sweet tone, earning a laugh from Jeremy.  
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Now to cut a huuuuuuuuge long and boring part out, Sirius dives down amoung the cliffy bits Jeremy pointed out, searching heroically for his owl-bat. Apparently Moonhawk had decided to nest in the cliffs until her kids were grown up or something. Sirius kidnapped a baby owl, and left Moonhawk there to raise the other ones. He discovered his letter in amoung the twigs of the nest and decided to fly the rest of the way to Hogwarts to deliver it as well as visit his friends. It was Friday and he figured if he flew through the night he could make a spectacular entrance with the post on Saturday morning. We pick up with breakfast starting at Hogwarts, Lily and James walking together with Remus down to breakfast.  
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"Hey Lil, why'd you tell Peter off? He is just loyal to Sirius. I mean, if Sirius still liked you he would have writtin to you right?" James asked his girlfriend, Lily Evans, as they walked to breakfast.  
"Yeah James, but I still feel guilty about going out with someone when me and Sirius have not techinically broken up yet."  
"Not a problem, I'll write to him today and let him know, he'll take it fine I promise" Said James, kissing her head as they sat down at the Gryfindor table.  
"But what if he... Oh nevermind, here comes the post." Lily, James and Remus looked up and were amazed at what they saw. Amoung the fluttering wings and millions of feathers, was the dark figure of Sirius Black, looking tired but happy with his entrance, as he swooped down to the floor. 


End file.
